Moving On
by yarimashitaa
Summary: Harry makes a decision. There is an exchange. And Harry's friends learn to move on.
1. Prologue

It was a cold, wet night. The narrow streets were slippery and muddy from days worth of drizzle. The old streets lamps let out dim wisps of light, barely enough with which to make out the faint lines from where the roads blended into sidewalks. It was a picture of dark, miserable grey, enough to dampen anybody's spirits.

Near the dirty sidewalk, an apartment building rose high up into the sky. It was still, tall, barely visible against the dark, starless night. And at the top of this sky scraping tenement, a lone figure stood. It was a boy, dressed in shabby clothing much too thin for nighttime's frigid weather. He was shivering slightly, hugging his arms to his body as the slight, numbing breeze blew his badly cut black hair in awkward directions.

The boy seemed confused, unable to decide how to feel, as at times he would stare vacantly into the distance, eyes blurry, an expression of vague pleasure smeared upon his face, and at other times he would stomp angrily on the hard cement, yelling at the top of lungs, the painful sound of his hoarse calls echoing into the darkness.

Finally, the boy seemed to come to a decision. He clasped his hands tightly together, whispering silent words to himself. Then, with fists clenched, eyes closed and head tilted up towards the sky, he jumped.


	2. The Exchange

A/N: I forgot to mention that this story is set at the second last chapter 7th book. The chapter about Harry and his horrific children did not exist! It didn't! I don't care what you say! D: 

**--------------------------------------------**

Chapter 1: The Exchange

Harry opened his eyes. He was sitting in a small, picturesque room, dressed in very formal black dress robes. The room was shaped out of a dark red brick, and on the floor, there was a round, fluffy black carpet on which sat a pair of very large red sofas with a small wooden table inbetween them. Harry was sitting awkwardly on the edge of one of them, and the other one was empty.

Harry looked around nervously, wondering where he was. Just then, Sirius Black appeared, sitting on the sofa beside him.

Harry stared at him, dumbstruck.

Sirius chuckled. He snapped his fingers and a house elf appeared with two cups, setting them both down on the table. Sirius picked one up and took a sip, sighing happily, "Try some of this stuff, Harry. It's amazing."

Harry opened and closed his mouth in a manner that vaguely resembled a fish. "Sirius?! Are you – Am I… dead?" He whispered, his mouth painfully dry.

"No, no, no," Sirius waved Harry away, still sipping from his cup, "Guess again!"

"Then…" Harry stared at him, "Why are we here? …Are you alive?"

Sirius sighed, his previously somewhat cheerful expression faded away. "I guess we'll have to start from the beginning. Harry think, what's the most recent think you can remember?"

"… I remember," Harry gulped, "uh, dying… And Snape… I remember Voldemort! We beat him!"

Sirius lowered his head, knowing what would come next.

All of a sudden those past events came flooding back to Harry, "Lupin… Tonks… Dumbledore… Oh god, Fred… And Snape… I remember…" Harry tried, in vain to blink back the pools of hot tears that had already begun to roll awkwardly down his cheeks. He wiped them away aggressively.

"Yes, Harry," Sirius whispered hoarsely, "Now, do you remember your very last night?"

Harry shook his head frantically without even thinking. He didn't want to remember anything else. He dug his knuckles into his eyes, trying to block more tears from spilling out.

"Think, Harry! You must remember !" Sirius said urgently.

Harry sat nervously on the edge of his sofa, eyes screwed up, in a sad attempt at an expression of concentration.

"You were all alone," Sirius prodded him, "in a muggle district, on the roof of a tall building…"

"What was I doing there?"

"You need to remember that for yourself."

Harry thought. Why was he on top of a muggle building? The idea seemed bizarre and unfamiliar. He tried desperately to think back to the most recent things he could remember. Heated emotions welled up inside of him as once again, he thought of his lost loved ones. He clenched his fists, trying desperately to block the memories out. What had happened to him?

……

He was at Hogwarts, wasn't he? No, no, he was at Grimmauld palace. It was about two months after their triumph over Voldemort. He was sitting in the living room with Ginny, Hermione, Ron. And what were they doing? Well, he could remember what Hermione and Ron were doing. Their disgusting selves sat on top of one another on Sirius's favorite couch, kissing and fondling each other shamelessly.

His face scrunched up with anger just thinking about it. How could they behave in such a disgusting manner? How could they act so painfully happy and so sickeningly in love when he, Harry, felt like exploding with anger and despair at every breath he took? How could they? How could they forget about everyone, and everything that had happened so soon after it all?

Harry remembered everything now. He remembered all his feelings of frustration and anger. His desperate desire to hurt them and himself. And he knew a way.

In this day and age, death was the only thing powerful enough to prove a point.

Harry stood up and in as calm and flat a voice as he could muster, he let them know exactly what he thought of them. He told them that they were disgusting and disrespectful. He stated coldy that Hermione was a whore and swiftly punched Ron in the face. He then nodded at a horrified Ginny impassively and stalked out of the house. He must have walked for hours in the painfully cold, wet weather in his thin robes. Until finally, he reached a building. A tall one, that was at its very least twenty storys high. He walked inside the building's air conditioned lobby, and started climbing its stairs, half hoping he would get stopped and thrown out.

He didn't.

And he finally, reached the top; cold, wet and miserable. He thought about Hedwig, Moody, Tonks, Dobby, Lupin, Tonks, Fred, Snape… Everyone that had gone… It was unfair, why should he be allowed to live when so many others had perished…

He didn't deserve it.

And with that thought, he had jumped over the side of the building. He would die, the old fashioned muggle way.

……

Harry looked back at Sirius, swallowing nervously, processing what he had just relived.

"If that's what happened… Then what is this? And… why are you are?" Harry asked nervously.

"Harry… As I'm sure you remember, after the incident at the ministry of magic in your fifth year, you asked Nearly Headless Nick about my death. And he told you that once a person dies, there is a point where his soul chooses whether to move on into the unknown or to turn into a ghost."

Harry gave a weak nod, "So I am dead?"

"No, not exactly," Sirius replied awkwardly, "Right now, you aren't dead. Your… physical self is in a muggle hospital, severely injured. You are wavering in and out of death and close to truly being… gone. None of your friends know where you are, which is the reason why your primitive wounds haven't been healed by magic. And they will not find you in time if you choose to give up! You are very close to death, Harry… You must pull yourself together and will yourself to live!"

Death. That was what he wanted, wasn't it?

Sirius saw what he was thinking. "When I say you are close to being gone from this world, I really mean it. You truly are on the brink of death! But you still have the slightest chance of going back. Harry, right now, I am what is known as a gate keeper. I was sent to come talk to you because they didn't believe you had the willpower to live. They thought you were going to die and even though you still have a slight bit of life left inside of you, I was sent to help you decide between going into the unknown and returning to the earth as a ghost. But you must live, Harry! You have so many people who love you. So many people who need you. There is so much of your life left to live. You can do it!"

Harry bit his lip to keep from bursting into tears. "Sirius, you don't understand what its like for me. Every single day is torture. Whenever I see people being happy I want to kill them. And every place I go, it reminds me of some who is…" he gasped, gulping in air frantically and continued, "…gone. I can't take this anymore!"

Sirius awkwardly patted Harry's arm, "I know kiddo, I know. But… you have GOT to try, you have to be strong. Please, Harry. You're running out of time!"

Harry lifted a tear stained face miserably and told Sirius, "You didn't tell me what happened to you… Why are you here as a… gate keeper?"

Sirius sighed, "Harry when I died, I wanted to move on… into the unknown. But I was afraid, I was worried about you. I was scared that you wouldn't be able to cope and I wanted so much to be there for you. But I was too much of a goddamn selfish bastard to choose to be a ghost for eternity. So I asked to be a gate keeper until you died. As a gate keeper, though I am not there with you, I could still watch over and wait for you, so when the time comes, we could move on into the unknown together. But Harry, now is not the time for that yet."

"So basically, I've got three options? I can try to live, I can go the unknown, or I can be a ghost…" Harry paused, "…Could I be a gate keeper as well?"

"No," Sirius said firmly, "You haven't been around long enough, Harry. Which is why I want you to go on living. There are too many things you have not experienced, too much of life that you have missed out on…"

"Are there any other options?"

Sirius hesitated, "Yes… But— "

"What is it?" Harry cut in.

"Seeing as you are still somewhat alive… It is possible for you to exchange your life for some one else's…"

Harry sat up excitedly, "That's fabulous, Sirius! You and I will move on into the unknown and I'll trade my life for Lupin's or Tonks or Fred or even Snapes! We'll do what you planned and some one else will get their life back in exchange! Everything would work out perfectly and at least the remaining portion of my life would not be wasted."

"NO, HARRY! Goddamnit! You can't do that! Everyone, EVERYONE has already moved on. We don't know what happened to them in the unknown, but they may even have been reborn! They have moved on so far, you would be tearing them away, possibly even killing them if they have new lives and devastating their current loved ones just to bring them back for what? Into a world where their death has already been an accepted fact, where people will treat them like… oh I don't know, a virus or something! People would be afraid of them! And they've already moved on! Let them be, Harry!"

"My life is wasted on me," Harry said miserably, "I don't want to live it anymore. I just want to move on, start over. I do nothing but cause myself and everyone around me to suffer."

Harry took a deep breath and decided, "Sirius, you can go back for me. You can tell everyone that I am happy and that I am moving on to a much better life. You can take care of everyone, you can help everyone heal. I want to exchange my life with yours."

**---------**

In a small muggle hospital in Smith Avenue of Southern London, a small group of doctors crowded around the bed of a painfully young boy's mangled body.

Nothing could be done for him. All they could do was stand there and watch the life slowly seep out of him.

A nurse lowered her head and clasped her hands together. "Please God," she whispered, "If you truly are out there, let him move on to a better life."


	3. Back From The Dead

Chapter 2: Back From The Dead

Sirius Black was lying in a small, grey room, on top of a metal table. He opened his eyes wearily and moaned at the throbs of pain shifting through his body. He was feeling dizzy and lightheaded and his heart was beating abnormally fast as he was finding it harder and harder to breath.

As slowly as he could, Sirius lifted his neck up slightly, swearing profusely as jolts of pain shot his body. His neck trembled, and at that uncomfortable angle, he looked down at his body.

Shit.

He was lying, naked, with his left leg bent outwards disturbingly. The flesh at the side of his thigh had been sliced open so that the white of his bone was visible and the entire leg was caked in dried blood. His upper body was covered with swollen bruises and on the left side, there were a few bloody gashes of flesh torn away. He whimpered miserably as thehurt intensified while looking upon the mess that had been made of his body.

He lifted his right arm to touch his head and felt around to the back of it.

Fuck.

There was a massive hole in the back of it.

Sirius gently laid his head back down, analyzing the situation. His body ached like hell and he was feeling more and more dizzy and short of breath.

_Damn you, Harry._ He thought miserably to himself, _If only you had fucking tried, I wouldn't be in a… whatever the hell this place is… Where the hell am I?… _

All of a sudden the door to the room was slammed open and a chubby little girl came rushing in. Her face was flushed a light shade of pink, looking as if she had been running for a long time. The girl was wearing a fluffy pink dress and her curly black hair was tyed into two high pigtails; she looked about six years old. When she noticed Sirius lying on the metal table, she grinned toothily at him.

"Hello!" She called, while gently shutting the door to room.

She toddled over to Sirius and stood on her tip toes so that she was able to lift most of her head over the table. "Shhh! Don't let mummy know I'm in here," the little girl ordered.

_Must be an angel come to comfort me in my dying moments_, Sirius thought sarcastically.

The little girl poked Sirius's bloody head curiously. The hole was not visible to her, as he was covering it by lying on the back of his head, but the stream of dried blood that lead all the way to his shoulders seemed to… interest the child.

"Does it hurt?" the little girl asked, frowning.

Sirius ignored her.

"Does it hurt?" the little girl asked again, loudly.

_Fuck, yes._

Oddly, she seemed to have heard that. "I'll make it better!" She promised and clenched her fleshy hands into a fist. With her eyes squeezed shut, a pale blue light exploded from her chubby little body and sealed Sirius's body in a ring of pale blue light.

After a few moments, the light faded away. The little girl grinned. "Okay! All done!" She anounced happily, awkwardly pulling herself onto the table by grabbing Sirius' arm. She crawled over so that she was sitting next to Sirius and reminded him, "now don't tell mummy I'm here!"

Sirius lay there stunned. Did that annoying little brat just… heal him? How the fuck did she do that?

He glanced over at the arm the little girl had used to pull herself on the table. It was no longer bruised and cut. He sat up quickly and looked at himself. Everything seemed healed. There was still blood everywhere but all the wounds had mended and disfigurements rejuvenated. His leg wasn't twisted at the awkward angle, the places where flesh had been torn out seemed to have closed over and… He felt the back of his head. The hole… it was perfectly healed.

He stared at the girl sitting beside him. She giggled bashfully up at him.

"How… how did you do that?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

At that moment, the door to the room was flung open forcefully and a very flustered looking middle aged woman stormed in the room screeching, "LOUSIAA! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT ––"

She froze.

Sirius stared at her.

The little girl squealed and clutching Sirius' arm tightly, hid behind his back.

The woman stared at the scene in horror. Her eyes darted from her precious little girl to the naked, bloody man that she was latched on tightly to.

"HAROLD!!!!!!" The woman screamed at the top of her lungs and scurried across the room, grabbed her child and fled.

Sirius's brain kicked into action. If he was caught here, he'd be screwed. The entire wizarding world had known he was dead for two years, and whether or not this family had an adult wizard, they wouldn't be too happy to see him rise from the dead.

He ran out of the room and noticed a long black coat hanging on a hook by the door. He picked it up and wrapped it around himself. Then, as quickly as he could, he ran down the short hallway towards the entrance and threw himself against the heavy metal doors, rushing out into the streets.

Judging from the cool, moist atmosphere, Sirius could tell that it was quite early in the morning and there were already quite a few muggles out in the streets, who kept sending him strange looks.

Sirius quickly walked along with the people, trying but failing to look as if he was like blend into the crowd. The people parted like moses and his sea upon seeing Sirius' lack of clothing for his bloody lower regions and his dark hair matted with blood.

He walked quickly and briskly, not looking back until he was well away from that… place and found a spot that was somewhat secluded and hidden from the passerbys. He then apparated to the front of Grimmauld palace, knocking furiously on the door.

The door was flung open by a tear-stained, puffy-eyed Ginny, who threw herself into Sirius's arms.

"Harry!" She cried, sobbing miserably into his shoulder.

**--------------------------------------------**

**A/N **It took me a while to update because I spent AGES on this chapter, I kept writing it, rewriting and editing it. I'm worried that it'll be kind of… meh, you know, lame. D:


	4. “I – am – Sirius –– Black”

Chapter 3: I - am - Sirius – Black

Sirius coughed nervously and gently eased Ginny off his body.

Ginny only latched on tighter, sobbing furiously. "Oh god, Harry!" She cried, "We've been so worried and we've been looking for you everywhere! Where on earth have you been?"

Wiping away her tears, Ginny took a step back while still holding on to his shoulders, carefully observing the body of the man standing before her. She gasped, noticing all the blood on him.

"Oh my gosh," she squealed, "What happened? Oh dear, I'd better clean up all this blood and get you down to St. Mungo's." She ushered him into the living room and laid him down on the couch and quickly uttered a spell under her breath. All the blood disappeared and his body seemed perfectly fine.

A small smile appeared on Ginny's worried face. "Well I'm glad you're okay, where'd all that blood come from if it wasn't from you? Oh my, and what happened to your robes! I'd better get you out of this dirty old coat," She unbuttoned the coat quickly and pulled it off of him.

Sirius had been lying on the couch, quietly staring at Ginny, trying to figure out why she was called him 'Harry'. It was only when she had unbuttoned his coat, leaving him completely exposed that he had pushed her away and grabbed his coat back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He growled, and stalked into the bathroom.

Once Sirius was inside the bathroom, he leaned against the door breathing raggedly. He turned to look at his reflection.

Sirius's eyes bugged out and he took in a sharp breath.

He was Harry.

Sirius slid down against the door until he was sitting on the cold ground. He was panting heavily. Why was this happening? And why the hell didn't he notice that he wasn't… himself when he had first looked at his body? He had never noticed how similar his build was to Harry's until now, but there were still differences, weren't there? How could he not have noticed them?

Sirius looked at his arms and held back a grin. Harry's arms were hairier than his. He stretched out his legs and observed them. Harry's knees were definitely a lot knobbier, as well.

_Well… I guess it makes sense._ Sirius reasoned with himself. After all, his body had been rotting away for two years, it would be pretty gross if his soul had ended up in that nasty thing. Still, he hadn't expected himself to be trapped in his godson's body.

There was a gentle nock on the door. "Harry?" Ginny's voice said nervously, "Everyone was out looking for you so I let them know you came back and they're all waiting for you in the living room. I'm putting a towel and some clean robes and underwear outside the door… Anyway, you can take a shower and come out when you're ready."

Sirius grinned. _Harry has quite a sweet little girlfriend,_ he mused. _I wouldn't have thought it of that loud, obnoxious little brat that I had known._

He unlocked the door, picked up his things and brought them in the bathroom.

Sirius stepped into shower and turned the water on as hot as it would go and sighed happily at the feel of the satisfying sting of the hot water coming into contact with his skin. He hadn't felt this good in a long time. He thought about his current situation. It wasn't too bad, he decided. It wasn't as if Harry was ugly or anything. But still, would he tell everyone else that he wasn't really Harry? Or should he just pretend to be the boy who lived, maybe it would be kind of fun to be famous for saving the world.

_Well,_ Sirius decided, _I'll tell Hermione and ask her what to do. She's supposed to be the smart one, isn't she?_

After ten minutes of drowning himself in water, Sirius shook Harry's short hair and quickly wiped his raw, pink flesh with the towel. Still glistening with water, he put on the comfortable green robes Ginny had given him and stepped out of the steaming room. The door to the bathroom led straight into the living and the entire room of people (which consisted of basically everyone Harry knew) who had previously been engaged in quiet conversation turned silent and stared nervously at Sirius.

"Uh, h-hello Harry," Hermione stuttered. Ron was twisting his fingers nervously beside her.

Mrs. Weasley came running in wearing a stained apron. She noticed Sirius and raced towards him, pulling him into a tight, rib cracking hug. "Oh Harry we were so worried about you!" She cried, "Well, I've made some lunch for us all, come on and eat will you?"

Sirius grinned weakly, not used to being manhandled in such a way by Molly Weasley. "Uhhh, I'll come eat, " He said quietly, "But I'll need to talk to Hermione privately first."

Hermione shot Sirius a puzzled glance.

_Damn_, He thought frantically, _I can't remember what Harry used to call her! What if Harry and friends have a nickname for the girl?_

"Uhhh, I mean Mione –", Hermione stared. "— Just kidding Herms!" Sirius let out a fake, hoarse laugh.

"Well alright," Mrs. Weasley said frowning. She turned to the rest of the room who had been staring quietly at this exchange and called, "Come on people! Its to time to eat now! Let's give Harry and Hermione their privacy."

They all filed out of the room, Ron turning around many times to glance at Sirius and Hermione worriedly.

Once they were left alone in the room, Hermione walked over to Sirius and glanced up at him. "I'm really sorry, Harry," she said quietly, "Ron and I should have been more sensitive to your feelings."

Sirius stared at her, puzzled. Then he remembered what had triggered his idiot godson to wander off into a muggle district and attempt to kill himself. "Oh, that!" He said out loud, "Don't worry about that. I've got a bigger problem, now."

"Oh. Well, what is it, then?" Hermione asked worriedly.

"I'm Sirius!"

"I'm being serious too, Harry. Tell me what happened."

"No, damnit! I mean, I - am - Sirius – Black."


	5. Mouth Action

Chapter 4: Mouth Action

_Silence._

"Um Harry are you okay?"

"ARRGGH!" Sirius screamed, slapping his forhead with his palm.

Hermione looked extremely worried and scared, "Uh Harry –"

"I'M NOT HARRY!" Sirius screeched.

Hermione bit her lip. "Okay," she said, "Let's take a deep breath and sit down." She grabbed Sirius's arm and led him to the couch where she handed him a glass of water.

Sirius took the glass of water and put it back onto the table, glaring at Hermione furiously. "Would you listen to me for a moment?" he yelped.

"I AM listening to you, you're just not making sense!" Hermione snapped at him, irritated.

Sirius gave an exaggerated sigh, rolling his yes. "Look. Its complicated, alright? Basically, after you and Ron pissed Harry off so much," Hermione blushed "that he tried to kill himself and then when he got up there, " Sirius waved his hand vaguely at the ceiling "the boy decided to exchange his life with mine. I don't think either of us knew that I was going to end up in… this." Sirius gestured at Harry's body.

_Awkward pause._

"Um Harry, did Fred give you some candy or something?" Hermione said, smiling awkwardly.

Sirius felt like exploding with anger and frustration. But suddenly, an idea came to him. His feelings of agitation dissolved as he winked mischeviously at Hermione.

Hermione felt her throat clog up.

Sirius ran a finger along Hermione's neck until it reached her chin which he gently pushed upwards. He then tilted his head slightly and placed his mouth on top of hers, kissing her gently.

Hermione's body stiffened. With all the force she could muster, she pushed Sirius off of her so hard that he landed on the floor.

"Ow," he muttered, rubbing his shoulder.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Hermione squeaked, indignantly. Sirius glanced up and began to chuckle at the nervous expression on her face.

He stood up, picked her up princess style and carried her into the bathroom. Sirius put her down and pinned her against the wall, kissing her furiously. Hermione couldn't help but let out a soft moan of pleasure. Ron never kissed like that, she decided and forgetting that the man who's tongue was exploring her mouth was her best friend Harry, she relaxed and began to kiss him back.

At that, Sirius let go of her and sat down on the toilet. Hermione was sweating and panting profusely, her body slid to the ground and she stared at Sirius, her eyes filled with yearning.

Sirius nodded at her; calm, composed, seeming as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "Now do you believe I'm not Harry?" he asked.

Hermione sat on the cold bathroom floor, thinking about her awkward best friend, Harry. He had been scared to even talk to any girl except for herself of course, but they were just friends and didn't even consider each other to be member's of the opposite sex. For him to just… start kissing her like that, well, it was completely out of character. But for the seductive, suave player that she had knew Sirius was… well, this seemed like the kind of thing he would do.

"Okay," Hermione swallowed, "I guess I believe you. Well, what are you going to do?"

Sirius's smile dissolved, "Well, I was hoping you'd help me out with deciding on what to do. Harry thought that he was bringing misery to the people around him and he thought I would be able to help them heal better than he would. But, everyone has already accepted the fact that I was gone since I've been dead for two damn years. Would it would be better if I just pretended to be Harry? If I convinced everyone that I was Sirius they might think I stole Harry's life from him or something! And also, they'd be losing a loved one all over again and well, I don't think that's a particularly great way of helping them heal. But if I don't tell them then I'd be lying to them! I'd be tricking them! I don't want to lie to the people Harry and I love but I don't want to hurt them either. I really don't know what to do!"

Sirius's little speech suddenly made Hermione realize that her best friend was truly gone. Her eyes glazed over as she realized, miserably, that it was all her fault. The tears began to spill out onto her cheeks and she began to sob, thinking about what a horrible, neglective friend she had been to him.

Sirius stared at her awkwardly. He reached over to pat her head. "Don't cry," he choked out in a flat voice.

Hermione lifted her teary eyes up at him and began to sob harder.

Sirius sighed, "See? That's what I mean. You're miserable! I don't want to do that to everyone else. And don't you think _I_ feel guilty enough? I didn't have a choice in all this!"

Hermione felt even worse. "I'm sorry Sirius," she choked miserably, "I didn't think about how you must be feeling."

Sirius shrugged, "It's okay. Seeing your reaction, I'm guessing it would be better to keep the whole Harry being gone thing from everyone else for now. I can't deal with more than one weeping female."

Hermione forced a smile.

The two sat there silently, both caught up in their own thoughts.

After a while, Sirius stood up for the toilet seat and sighed. "We'd better get back," he said gently, "Everyone will be waiting for us."

Hermione nodded and as he opened the door, she said quietly, "Sirius?"

He turned around.

Hermione stared at the ground, "I know this is a really stupid thing to ask but um, can we… you know, again?"

A cheeky grin appeared on Sirius's face. He knew exactly what she meant. He stepped over to her and hugged her body tightly to his. He cupped her face, caressing her cheek gently and began to kiss her sotly and sweetly.

After a few minutes, Sirius let go of Hermione smiling sweetly. "Shall we go eat?" He asked her, grinning. Hermione nodded breathlessly.

They turned around to see a very red faced Ron standing a few meters away from. It was apparent that he had seen some of their mouth action.

**-----------------------------**

**A/N I tried my best? I'm a bit nervous about whether anyone will like this chapter and if you hate Hermione/Sirius, don't worry. I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to put them together. Sirius isn't really attracted to her right now, anyway. He's just a flirt. Anyway this story mostly isn't about romance so… yeah. Haha, I've rambled on long enough, I hope you enjoyed that.**


	6. Complicated

Chapter 5: Complicated

Ron looked like a balloon that was about to explode. His oval, orange topped head was swelling and had turned a very light shade of reddish orange. He eyes bugged, his cheeks bulged and his chest heaved. He looked like an angry bullfrog.

Hermione, a worried expression on her face, took a step towards him.

Ron stared at her, hard. Then taking a deep breath, he let out the air in a low, angry sigh.

"I should have guessed."

"Ron, its not like that!" Hermione cried, taking his hand.

Ron carefully pried Hermione's fingers off his, and took a small step away from her trembling body, leaning in closer to Sirius.

He opened his mouth and began to speak in a very soft, low, monotone. "Some friend you are, huh. And to think I actually felt guilty. I guess you're so used to having everything, you can't stand it when someone else, even your best friend, gets the love and attention."

Ron paused, calming himself. Then said in a slightly harsher tone, "You're pathetic."

Ron turned to look at Hermione, his eyes flashing with bottled up anger. "I can't believe you would betray me like this."

He turned to walk away from them, then stopped for a moment, and in that same soft, low, voice, he said, 'Oh yes, I forgot to tell you. Mum wants you two to go to the dining room and eat dinner with everyone. Do me a favor and tell her I'm feeling sick." With that, Ron walked over to the stairs and climbed up, disappearing out of sight.

Hermione and Sirius were still standing in their previous positions, frozen with shock and horror.

Hermione took in a few frantic gulps of air, "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." She gasped, "What am I going to do? Why am I such an idiot?" She slapped her head, beginning to cry.

Sirius patted her head awkwardly, "Don't cry. I'm sorry, it was my fault. I'm a middle aged man, I should know better than to engage in such activities with a minor. I'm sorry about that. Look, why don't you go talk to Ron about everything and make things right? I'll go and eat with everyone and tell Mrs. Weasley some lie about you two. I should better hurry up or she will start to get worried about us."

Hermione sniffled miserably and nodded her head gently. He gave her a light push towards the staircase. She stumbled over and began to climb up awkwardly.

Sirius let out a sigh and muttered to himself, "Oh dear." He hadn't expected to cause so much trouble so soon. And now that he thought about it, he didn't feel all that hungry either. In fact, he felt kind of queasy. Perhaps it was the affect of Ginny stripping him, Hermione kissing him and Ron hating him all squeezed into the time frame of one complicated hour. Sirius sighed again, trying to think of a way to get out of eating dinner.

_I suppose I'll let Mrs. Weasley know I'm feeling a bit sick and that I'll be off to bed. _He thought, feeling a bit guilty about not eating Mrs. Weasley's specially prepared food. _Maybe she'll save me some leftovers and I'll eat it for breakfast tomorrow._

Sirius walked into Grimmauld Palace's elaborate dining room. Everyone who was previously eating happily froze and turned to stare at him nervously.

"Hey guys," Sirius smiled awkwardly.

Seeing that Harry wasn't on the verge of another mental breakdown, the group smiled, relaxed and all began to speak to him at once.

"THANKS A LOT, HARRY!" Hagrid bellowed, "YOU REALLY SCARED US."

"Oh leave the poor boy alone, Hagrid!" Mrs. Weasley replied in annoyance, "Where's Ron and Hermione, Harry?"

Kingsley, with his mouth full, waved for Harry to come over to him with his fork.

"Err," Sirius interrupted, "Ron and Hermione wanted some private time together, and I'm just feeling a bit sick so I think I'm going to go lie down. You guys eat. I'll talk to you later."

"Harry!" Mrs. Weasley fluttered over, her hands waving nervously, "Shall I make you some medicine? You do look a bit pale…"

"Oh leave him alone." Fred said quietly, frowning up at Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh. Oh okay. Okay then…" Mrs. Weasley flushed and sat back down miserably, "Well, you go up and take that nap, Harry. We'll talk to you later, dear."

Sirius nodded, barely processing any of the conversations that had just occurred. He realized that he was extremely tired and couldn't wait to get to his room.

"Bye," Sirius mumbled quietly and staggered up the staircase into his room. He shut the door behind him and threw himself onto his bed, snuggling up against the blankets. He breathed in their familiar scent, and forgot everything that had happened. For the first time in what seemed like eternity, Sirius felt warm, happy and at home. Clutching a large, fluffy cushion, with a content expression pasted on his face, Sirius fell asleep.


	7. One Flawless, Beautiful Moment

Chapter 6: One Flawless, Beautiful Moment

"_Every single day is torture…"_

"_My life is wasted on me…"_

_"I just want to move on…"_

_"…you can help everyone heal."_

Sirius shuddered and woke up with a start. He looked around, sweating profusely. His face was unhealthily pale and his eyes were red, as if from crying. Sirius lowered his head and shook it viciously. He glanced up, tilting his sweaty face towards the window on the side of his bedroom. The warm, gentle sun flooded in, leaving bright patches of glittering light all over the smooth, wooden floorboard.

Sirius kicked off his damp blankets and stalked in to the bathroom. Bending over the delicate porcelain sink, he turned on the tap as large as it would go and splashed his face with cold water. Shivering slightly, he returned to his bed and sat on the edge, with water rolling down his face and dripping onto his clothes.

He was scared.

He was scared of wasting the gift that Harry had given him. And yes, it was a gift. Harry viewed it as a burden, but he was wrong, he didn't understand. Life is a gift, a miracle, the closest human beings will ever get to divinity.

Harry had viewed his as a curse that hurt himself and everyone around him. He didn't want it anymore. But even so, Harry still loved the people in his life. And Harry left Sirius, asking him to help everyone heal. Could he do that?

Sirius didn't know. And that's what scared him.

Sirius sighed. It was bizarrely quiet, as if no other human beings were around. The only thing he could hear was the faint sound of chirping birds outside the house. He stood up and opened the door from his room to the hallway. It was empty and no sounds of movement could be heard. He smiled, reassured. He wanted to be alone.

Sirius walked down the spacious hallway, running his finger along the numerous intricately designed walls and doors, some of which hadn't been open in so, so long. After all, the order didn't have any use for his mother's abundant afternoon tea rooms, art displaying rooms, exercise rooms, and… he sucked in a breath as his hand brushed against a door, accidentally pushing it ajar.

The music room.

God, he had forgotten about that. Seeing the huge, exquisitely decorated room and extraordinary wonder that it held brought up memories. It had been such a long time ago, but seeing all that made him remember. His mother, like the mother from any other high class pureblood wizarding family, had insisted on her sons taking piano lessons. But unlike most sons from these prestigious families, Sirius loved them. Beginning from the age of 5, he practiced for hours everyday until he had reached the age where he had to go to Hogwarts.

Smiling ruefully, Sirius walked inside the dust filled room and closed the door behind him.

Hogwarts… It held the best memories of his life, but also triggered the worst. All sorts of things happened, real life kicked in… And other than the occasional tinkering during the summers, he had just… forgotten about his piano.

Sirius strode across the sunlit room until he reached piano and with a light tug, pulled off the deep velvet cover and flung it onto the ground. He rubbed his hand against the dark beautiful wood of the piano and gently lifted off its cover. He pulled out the piano seat and sat down, placing his fingers on its keys.

Sirius was nervous. Desperately, desperately nervous. He didn't know whether his hands still remembered how to play… He bit his lip and quickly played a few awkward scales along the piano. Then, concentrating intensely, he began to play his favorite childhood song; Greensleeves.

(A/N: http:// youtube .com /watch?vP5ItNxpwChE – the music, remove spaces in URL)

He stumbled on the first few notes. It was awkward, his hands were tense. But he played. He could still remember. It wasn't perfect. It definitely, definitely wasn't perfect. But… he could play. He could play! He relaxed and let himself fall into the music.

Sirius smiled, remembering happier times in his life. He never admitted it, but he had missed Regulus so much. Hogwarts occupied most of his happy memories but there were times… times when he couldn't help himself. Times when he would think back to moments with Regulus with desperate longing.

Sirius remembered one of his most favorite, perfect moments. His parents was away, as usual. But Sirius and Regulus were together in the music room. Sirius was playing Greensleeves and Regulus was folding paper airplanes. It was like… a Kodak moment, he smiled again, thinking of odd muggle phrases he had picked up over the years.

He closed his eyes and continued playing…

…listening to the music…

…blocking out everything…

…letting the music seep inside him…

Sirius smiled happily, almost delirious with joy. And for a moment, just one flawless, beautiful moment, he thought that he could do it. He could do what Harry wanted.

He could help everyone heal.


	8. “Ginny…”

Chapter 8: "Ginny…"

Sirius stood up from the piano and walked over to the large window on the side of the room. The dull morning sun shone in, contrasting greatly with the gray interior of the music room. The dusty, velvet curtains were tied loosely to their sides and when the light breeze blew into the room, dust rose up from the curtains in large grey clouds.

Sirius gazed out the window into the dark grey meadow. His hands were clasped behind him and the expression on his face seemed peaceful and content. He stood there for a few moments, basking in the silence, as beautiful and comforting as the music had been.

At that moment, the door to the music room which he had carefully closed creaked open. Sirius frowned, annoyance flitting across his previously comfortable expression. He didn't turn around though; he didn't want to tear his eyes away from the window and he didn't want to ruin the exquisite silence with his footsteps. But then he heard them. He heard just what he didn't want to hear.

Footsteps.

His heart froze and he was about to turn around when a warm body flung itself around his arms and chest and its hands clasped together tightly in front of him. He twisted his neck around to look behind him.

It was Ginny and her face was buried into his shirtless back. Before he could protest and remove her tight clasp on him, she began to shudder and loosen her grip. Soft, muffled gasps escaped from behind her hair covered face and her hands were rubbing angrily at her eyes. Sirius turned his head around awkwardly and lightly put his hands on her shoulders. He peered down at her.

"What's wrong, Ginny?"

Ginny only shrugged his hands off her, staring at her feet while tortured, tearful gasps escaped from her throat.

Sirius reached over and and held on to Ginny's wrist. Taking it, he gently led her over to the piano, seating her on the edge. He leaned down and tilted her chin up with his finger. She let him, tears still dribbling messily down her cheeks as her dark brown eyes stared woefully up at him.

Sirius felt his heart begin to pump harder as he took in her cascading curls of dark orange-red, her smooth pale face, her small, delicate nose, and her beautiful, big, round, almost doll-like eyes framed with pretty light red lashes. The welling tears in her eyes seemed to hypnotize him. He gazed her, enthralled.

Ginny looked away from his intense gaze and broke the silence, "You're not Harry."

Sirius blinked in surprise. "No, I'm not," he replied.

She turned to look back at him carefully, "Then who are you? And why do you look like… Harry? …And…" – she looked away – "…where is Harry?"

Sirius smiled ruefully, not wanting to break the heart of such a beautiful, exquisite creature.

"Answer me," she demanded quietly.

He thought frantically of ways to divert her attention, "Why aren't you cursing me? I could be a dark wizard."

"You're not. Grimmauld Place has a protective spell placed around it. Now please answer my questions."

Sirius sighed.

"Please."

He sighed again, defeated. "I'm Sirius," he said quietly.

Ginny stared at him.

Before she could say anything, he continued. "Harry tried to kill himself. He didn't manage to completely do so. He met me at the gate… the gate between life and death where I had been waiting since I had died. And then, he traded lives with me…"

There was a painful, hesitant pause. "So where's Harry now?"

"He's where what we call the Unknown. It's where people who've passed away go, to heaven, to reincarnate…" Sirius shrugged sadly, "We don't know what happens in the Unknown. Just that it exists."

Ginny's eyes welled up with wet tears and she gulped miserably. "That's impossible," she whispered, trying but failing to convince herself that what this man told her was a lie.

"I'm really, really sorry Ginny. I didn't have a choice in it either, or I would have never let him do that."

Ginny brushed silent tears off her face roughly.

Sirius raised his head, staring blankly at the pale grey ceiling above their heads.

She began to whimper softly.

The sounds of her crying made Sirius' heart ache. His previous moments of bliss all felt meaningless to him now. What was he thinking? He couldn't do anything for anyone, much less heal them. Look what he was doing to Ginny. He clenched his fists miserably, not wanting to look down and see her tear stained cheeks and trying in vain to block out the heart breaking sounds of her cries.

After a few moments of uncomfortable, miserable, silence, Ginny stood up, shivering. She stood there, just a mere few centimeters away from Sirius, with her head lowered.

"Sirius," she said quietly, "I'm going to go now."

The sight of her beautiful doll eyes dulled with misery made Sirius want to cry. Before he could stop himself, he took a small step towards and her hugged her tightly to himself.

Ginny's body was cold and he shivered lightly at the touch of her skin but welcomed that shiver. It meant that he was really holding her. Ginny felt perfect in his arms. Every curve of her body seemed to fit perfectly into his own. And now that she was in his arms, she didn't let go. Instead, she clutched him tighter to herself. Her cold fingers kneaded into his bare back and her head was laid comfortably against his chest.

Sirius ran his hands through her hair. She responded, losing her comforting, innocent position and standing on her tip toes, pressed her lips forcefully against his. He returned the kiss the best as he could, and it seemed to satisfy her. Ginny's face began to flush and she broke away roughly from their kiss.

"Lie down," she whispered.

He obliged and she reached down to pull off the only clothing he was wearing; his pajama pants. She teased them slowly down while running her fingers along his chest and legs. When they came off completely, she crawled on top of him, kissing him passionately. Sirius couldn't control himself, caught up in the moment, the only thing he could think of doing was taking Ginny.

Sirius rolled over and her pressed her down so that his knees were on both sides of her. Gently, slowly, he began unbuttoning her night gown, leaving her completely revealed. He stared at her, awestruck.

"Ginny…"

The sound of his voice seemed to wake her up. Her eyes opened wider, filling up with shock. She pushed him off herself as hard as she could, frantically clasped the two sides of her nightgown close infront of her and fled out of the music room.

Sirius sat there, on the cold wooden floor of the music room. He lowered his head in misery.


	9. Maybe, Just Maybe

Chapter 9: Maybe, Just Maybe

Slowly, numbly, Sirius picked himself up off the ground. He walked slowly back to his room, showered, brushed his teeth and changed. Finally, as if in a daze, he stalked out of his room. But once he reached the staircase, his chest began to hurt. It was a dull, aching pain that began to intensify rapidly. It began to hurt so that he was forced to gasp quietly for breath. He leaned his arm against the wall above his head and put his forehead against it, breathing heavily.

Sirius took a few deep breathes, gulping down air, calming himself. After a few moments, he turned around and began to walk fdown the stairs. Then, pounding footsteps echoed across the hall as Hermione ran over to him, grasping his arm tightly with her fingers.

"Ouch," he muttered quietly, trying to shake her arm loose.

"Sirius! Sirius! Oh my god! I am so sorry!" Hermione exclaimed in a loud, nervous yelp.

"What!"

Hermione lowered her head guiltily, "More people know."

"What…WHAAT?" Sirius gasped, incapable of forming more appropriates words in his head. He temporarily forgot about his aching chest.

"I had too!" She whimpered helplessly, "Ron wouldn't believe anything I told him so I had to tell him the truth. And.. and… um…"

"What."

There was an awkward pause.

"He told Mrs. Weasley," Hermione said quietly.

"Oh, god," Sirius groaned, his chest tightening painfully, "Hermione I trusted you."

Hermione flushed a very dark, uncomfortable red.

Sirius sighed, unable to decide what to do.

"Oh yeah, Mrs. Weasley told me to come ask you to talk to her," Hermione said in an even quieter voice.

Sirius scowled worriedly. "Thanks Hermione," he muttered, "Thanks a whole lot."

Sirius trudged wearily down the stairs and sitting on the couch in the living room waiting for him was Mrs. Weasley, holding plate of cookies.

He walked over to her with his head lowered.

"Hello," Mrs. Weasley said, brightening at the sight of him.

Sirius' heart rose slightly and he gave a tentative smile in return.

"Would you like a cookie?" She held the plate out at him.

_Damn._

He shouldn't have bothered trying to delude himself. Of course. This was how some people dealt with stress. Some kind of defense mechanism. That's what they did. They acted all happy and offered cookies and shit.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Called denial. Or some shit like that. Fucking psychobabble. And then, after all that denial shit, they really fucking let you have it.

_Any minute now, _he thought miserably, _she's going to explode. _

_Oh shit. _

"Sirius," Mrs. Weasley began, "Ron told me about everything."

_Crap._

"To be honest, after listening to him, I was really upset. But before I let the rest of the order know, Sirius, I know you very well. Almost as well as I know Harry and everyone of my children and I know you. You wouldn't take Harry's life if you had choice. You love him too much."

With those sweet comforting words, Sirius felt the stress of the last few days welling up inside him. He told Mrs. Weasley everything, starting from dying and choosing to be a gate keeper, to waking up in that odd metal room with the little girl, and finally, to Ron catching him kissing Hermione. He stopped at the part where he had been with Ginny in the music room, his chest hurt just thinking about that confusing, painful moment.

Mrs. Weasley listened intently and chuckled lightly at the ending. She leaned over and hugged Sirius gently, "Sounds like you've have a pretty rough few days."

Sirius hugged Mrs. Weasley back.

"You know what, Sirius?" Mrs. Weasley said quietly, while rocking him back and forth gently, "I will not mourn for Harry. I will miss him so much. I loved him like a son. But I will not mourn for him. I remember what Harry was like in recent times. He was like a zombie. He was just a… a cage and whatever essence was inside him was gone. It was painful to watch him. Life must have been worse than death for Harry. At least this way, he has the Unknown, doesn't it? I know that it hasn't been proven or anything but… I'm sure there's something there worth going to."

Mrs. Weasley paused for moment, smiling ruefully at Sirius. "The Unknown," she repeated softly, letting the worlds roll around in her tongue, "I'm sure the Unknown contains something."

She took a deep breath and continued, "At least this way, we have you, Sirius. You. We all love you so much. And god, we missed you so much throughout the past few years. I'm glad you're back."

Sirius smiled into Mrs. Weasley's shoulder, letting hot tears seep into her clothes.

After a few moments, Mrs. Weasley gently pushed him off and laughed hoarsely, "Now look what you've done! Got me all wet…" She sniffed quietly and quickly wiped the tears dribbling lightly down her cheeks away with the hem of her sleeves.

"Sorry Molly," Sirius said quietly.

Mrs. Weasley sighed quietly, knowing that he wasn't apologizing for getting her clothes wet.

"Eat the cookies, dear," she said, her voice thick with gentle emotion as she set the plate onto the coffee table in front of them, "I'll go fix up some breakfast for the others." With that, she dashed off into the kitchen before anymore of her emotions could betray her.

Sirius took a chocolate chip cookie covered and shoved it into his mouth, whole. All of a sudden he felt absolutely ravenous. He swallowed the mound of chocolate and cookie dough quickly and hurriedly reached for another one. Smiling softly to himself, he imagined his godson living a new life through the Unknown. He imagined Harry running through a field of corn playing catch with other little boys his age. Then he frowned and mentally chided himself for having such corny, unrealistic fantasies.

Taking another cookie, he ran through Mrs. Weasley's comforting words in his head. Sirius sighed. It was a joyful, relaxing sigh. _Maybe,_ Sirius thought, Just m_aybe, there was still hope._

Chocolate tended to have that effect.


End file.
